3 things to try when you feel misunderstood.

  1. Nature and Nature – Recognize that everyone has different traits exposed to different environmental conditions. Perspectives and reasoning will certainly differ. For example if you didn’t like something a speaker said and another liked it, it’s probably because something in their previous experiences resonates with it… you can’t fault them for that. Or, some people think it’s a waste of time to be nice, that people will take you for granted… that’s also their exposure and experience.
  2. Let your guards down – It’s easier to change yourself than to change anybody. Evaluate your own ideas and see if you have good reasons to continue to hold unto them. If you do, simply help the other person understand why you believe what you believe. For instance, you can say, “I understand that there are certain people that won’t interpret my niceties for foolishness but there are X, Y, Z, situations that have proven otherwise.” Your goal is not to change the other person’s belief but to ‘show’ what you believe.
  3. Take the third side – Step out of the situation, imagine you are a third party listening to two people disagree, what would be the neutral ground? Tie together both perspectives and say, ‘let’s both be open to these possibilities and make the most of the situations we are confronted with.” Any reasonable person should ponder over it and perhaps have a mind shift. It’s better to let the mind figure out things than to push your opinions and step on toes. You don’t want to burn bridges that don’t need to be burnt.

Two types of Leadership, based on followership.

  1. The inward leaders:
    – Appeal to the limbic brain, the part responsible for feelings, beliefs and drives behavior.
    – These kinds of Leaders always starts with the “WHY” of their endeavors.
    – Followers follow because they want to, not because they have to. They follow because they align with the vision.
    – Followers are willing to promote the vision with sweat, blood and tears (even without being asked).
  2. The outward leaders:
    – Appeal to the neo cortex brain, the part responsible for rationalizing, logic, language. This part of the brain is very analytical but does not drive behavior, trust or loyalty.
    – These kinds of leaders always start with the “WHAT” of their pursuit. If they sell a product, they will focus on the functionalities rather than the vision.
    – Followers mostly follow because they have to. Perhaps it’s an appointed leader and they have no choice but to follow.
    – They mostly do not have a clear understanding of what motivates the leader.
    – If the followers are employees, they will simply work for the pay check, not because they are committed.

People don’t necessarily care about how you get things done, they care about why you do it. Don’t waste time on followers who are interested in your pursuit for itself, focus on followers who belief what you belief and become vision helpers to implement the vision.

Martin Luther king said, “I have a dream…” he never told how he was going to achieve that dream, neither did people care, they cared about the dream.

Uwaye Soetan💌


3 things parents need to know when bringing up children.


1. The child does not learn, he absorbs. Everything he feels, sees, hears, smells and taste becomes stored in his subconscious. They make him. They become his personality.
2. Children have two energies, the physical and the mental. If separated, the child becomes disorientated. For example, a child jumping on a spring bed is using his mental energy to understand the intensity between jumps that propels him higher. He is also using his physical energy to exercise, right?
Then mama comes around and beats him for trying to spoil the bed. His harmonious energies immediately becomes scattered in all directions. The energies play out in different forms: the child withdraws, develops some bad or naughty habit or just feels he isn’t good enough for anything.

3. In childhood, the child seeks to understand his environment and destroys due to inexperience and adults not patient enough to teach. So also, in adolescence, the child seeks to establish himself as a member of the society and makes some bad decisions due to inexperience.

You want to help? Never say never to them! Just give all the different options and show why you prefer a particular option.

Parenting is not an easy task. I fear parents who say it is. It is a lot of trying to understand possible reasons for a child’s action and taking the pains to explain pros and cons. Never substituting your will for the child’s will. Else, he becomes an adult with a weak character.


Career Day in primary classes

It is a good day for parents to come tell the children about different careers and share insights that will open their minds to different professions.
I however think that we shouldn’t influence or manipulate the children’s career decisions by suggesting a particular profession to them. They should be allowed to be whatever they choose to be each time, to give them the opportunity to explore different professions before they are old enough to direct themselves in certain areas.

I asked my son what he wanted to be and which outfit he was going to wear for his school career day. He blurted out, “footballer”.

The traditional parent in me quickly spurred into action. “How about an engineer? That’s what you were, last time.”

“Yes, I know, that’s why I wanted to be a different person this time.”

“But you don’t keep changing it… once you decide what you want to be, you keep to it.” I explained.

I felt terrible afterwards, knowing that each year, I condition him to want to be an engineer without giving him a chance to discover for himself.

As educators, we know that children should be presented with knowledge and skills in different areas. Then through observation overtime, we realize their potentials and nudge them in that direction. But primary school is too early to tell.

I also don’t want what happened to me to happen to him. I was supposed to be a doctor, because that’s what I was programmed to be from childhood. When I didn’t become one, I felt like a loser for a long time. It was tough finding a new path. I wasted time trying different things to discover what worked for me. Wouldn’t it have been sweeter if I had done that in childhood?

So now, I have resolved to let him explore every and any profession until he decides or it becomes obvious where his interest and skills lie. Then, I would nudge him in the direction of his desires.

My question is… Is the school going to be supportive of this? Will they explain to other students that it’s okay to explore different careers for now, before they find their calling? Or will the teachers champion the teasing game of making the children feel confused?

By the way, that picture up there is my niece receiving a gold medal for her Taekwondo prowess. Who is to say what she will become?

Uwaye Soetan💌


Parenting Puzzle

Become a parenting coach.
The parenting puzzle course is based on the work of the International Network of Children and Families. With the following objectives: To
* Gain a basic understanding of the emotional needs that we all share and how to meet those needs more consistently.
* Learn to guide young children and teenagers in developing skills in problem solving and peaceful negotiations. Build their self esteem and self respect.
* Implement new ways of dealing with misbehavior other than punishment and rewards.
* Nurture and sustain strong, healthy relationships between parenting partners.
The Parenting Puzzle will run for 5weeks for the first time in Nigeria.
Classes will hold once weekly from the 1st to 31st December.
The course has helped lots of families have a balanced life as they bring up children. Schools are able to offer more in their parenting seminars.
Please send an email to:
Fantasiacr2@gmail.com for more information.
Uwaye Soetan


Parenting Puzzle

Register for the Parenting puzzle classes.
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850 naira per copy

Math Master

Introducing The Math Master Preschool Activity Book.

The nursery child must understand the base ten number system in order to write numerals correctly. It is known that the first operation learned in early mathematics is counting but it is not well understood that there are more primary concepts upon which counting is based. They are sets, mapping, cardinal number and order.

The notion of set to young children, is the collection of objects in a group considered as a whole. For example, a young child can differentiate thus, “These are mine and those are yours.”

Mapping involves one to one. For example, the child may distribute objects to a certain number of people and based on whether there is just enough, less or more, the child learns the quantities required.

Math Master is designed to help the pre-nursery child grasp basic mathematics concepts. The child learns by absorbing items in a way that reveals their functions and essential idea rather than through memorization. The activities are introductory concepts and the child should not be expected to know them or work alone. An adult must guide the child’s learning. The concepts here may be presented to very young children as familiarization exercises through discussion and object exploration rather than abstract completion of exercises.

Montessori urges teachers to observe the child’s errors and think of them as an indication of the child’s level of understanding rather than something that must be corrected. According to her, “contradicting the child makes him unsure of himself, because without the necessary cognitive structure, the child has no way of understanding why his way is not right.” Teachers should therefore focus on helping children understand concepts rather than correcting.

The Math Master serves as a companion for the activities the teacher presents in class. The book should be used as a representation of the teachers concrete presentation of concepts.

In this book, children are exposed to a variety of math concepts of: seriating, transitivity, conservation, reversibility, corollary, ordinal and cardinal numbers; through a variety of activities on:
Rote counting and the sequence of numbers 1 to 10.
Counting forward to 5 and backwards from 5.
Identification and counting of numbers, colours, shapes, animals, objects, parts of the body,
Drawing objects and number outlines.
Matching and sorting by concepts.
Picture story relating to numbers.
Comparison, finding similarities and differences, size discrimination, more or less.
Completing patterns and numbers.
One to one correspondence.
Missing and positioning of numbers.
Addition and subtraction games.




Order the Math Master Workbook for Pre-school. Bulk purchase at 850naira per copy.
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